Almost all my life I have gone through episodes of depression, some more extreme than others.
I never thought I would make it to 20, then 30.
40 was particularly difficult, and lately now in my 50’s, I’ve found it even more so.
It seems the greater my understanding of how things work in the higher realms, the deeper I delve into my depression.
In a nutshell, what makes me feel like leaving is ‘perceived ruin’ — feeling like “I’m a disappointment to the Mother,” deep core issues of extreme sorrow and fear for self, financial difficulties, obstruction of my creative ideas, me not completing my mission and purpose for the Mother — that there is no answer, I’m alone and separate from everyone, there is no way out, no solution but death, no courage to face my fears.
Wikipedia says: suicide is the 10th leading cause of death worldwide.
Lately on FaceBook, I’ve noticed innovative ideas, such as volunteer rail pastors and blue lights at train stations in England and Japan that have been implemented to help stem the rise of death by suicide.
On the flip side, as I study the Divine Laws, Blessings, Virtues and Qualities, I am learning balance.
BALANCE — the Mother’s Movement, the Stillness of the Father — Who I Truly Am, serenity.
The blessing of hope:
that what is right, in alignment
with what I see, know, feel, Who I Am,
participant in the unfoldment, the shift, What All Is.
The virtue, sense of hope:
that Eternal Knowing of the Divine,
that serenity, that total and perfect calm
observer in the unfoldment, the shift, What All Is.
The Balance of Gender Equality Within/Without
Wanting to leave by suicide, for me, is extreme lack of balance within, engaging with old energies not of love, my core issues of sorrow, guilt, shame, fear for the future, “I’m a disappointment to the Mother” and the learned behaviours, entrenched beliefs of separation, lack, limitation, that “God is punishing.”
It is lack of forgiveness, compassion, gratitude — peace, Love, joy — for self and others.
It is not understanding the Mother’s Sound, Vibration, Movement or the knowing of the stillness of the Father, not being truly conscious of my gender equality within.
Understanding the entrenched beliefs and my fears and sorrow has been pivotal in discovery of my sacred purpose, my joy.
In another reflection my sorrow is my joy.
Understanding addiction to emotional pain I help lift others up into the knowing of the higher realms, our planetary shift to peace, LOVE, joy — forgiveness, compassion, gratitude — for everything.
In the stillness of the Father,
serenity of the Mother,
I invoke Sanat Kumara,
and the Universal Law
of Attachment and Detachment
to detach from everything not of love,
for understanding of the Mother’s Movement,
for attachment to the highest vision of BALANCE
for my self, others, family, friends and groups.
GENDER EQUALITY WITHIN/WITHOUT
serenity, the stillness
More How Things Work in the Higher Realms,
Compassion Road and Forgiveness Road posts here.
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